22 Dec Ep. 30 Jo Rossi, Owner of X-Bility
In this episode Adam and his wife Molly talk to Jo Rossi, the owner of X-Bility. X-Bility is a series of workshops designed to take your life to the next level through small lectures, open discussions, and experiential exercises. The courses lead you through the process of examining your decisions, your relationships, and your roles.
Email questions to PODCAST@HermannLondon.com
1:01 The Hermann London bowling event is in February
2:07 Adam introduces Jo Rossi, the owner of X-Bility
2:20 Adam introduces his wife, Molly
2:30 The reason why Adam wanted to talk more about X-Bility
2:50 Jo gives the basic rundown of what X-Bility can do for people
4:13 How did Jo get into life-coaching
5:14 What it means when “people’s light bulbs go off” during X-Bility courses
5:47 What is the biggest reward Jo gets out of coaching X-Bility courses
6:31 Why is change so scary to people
7:30 How can Realtors benefit from X-Bility courses
8:28 How does Jo feel about Anthony Robbins
8:49 If Jo is not a motivational speaker then what title does she go by
9:38 What do people expect from the course when they first show up
10:19 What did Molly expect from the courses before she arrived
11:13 Why is there a level of secrecy to the courses
12:06 Why does Jo jokingly tell people that X-Bility is not a cult
13:33 How has X-Bility helped Adam and Molly communicate in their marriage
13:45 The main reason Molly took the course was because she was about to marry Adam
14:30 How does X-Bility help with business coaching and what is a “win-win”
16:00 Adam shares an anecdote about a win-win scenario between him and Molly
18:58 Getting clear about your intentions and realizing it’s all about choice
21:17 What does it mean when Jo says “people are happy being unhappy”
25:38 How Adam’s parent’s never fighting affected his personal relationships
30:36 How do people reinforce their beliefs, even the negative ones
31:45 How can people learn to not take things personally
33:32 What does it mean to “give someone else your power”
35:38 How can Adam avoid giving others his power
37:12 How does knowing the different personality types help people become better communicators
44:35 Do people bring their spouses to the classes
46:04 Jo teaches other courses in addition to X-Bility. What is A Clean Slate, The Mindful Woman/Home/Relationships
49:55 How to contact Jo, learn more about X-Bility, and save $100 off the course
51:53 There is a money back guarantee on the courses
53:16 Who lives under Jo’s roof
53:35 Where is Jo at her best
53:46 Does Jo have a favorite podcast, blog, or book
54:54 What is Jo’s guilty pleasure
55:14 How has Jo thanked her mentor
56:20 Who lives under Molly’s roof
56:35 Where is Molly at her best
56:49 What is Molly’s favorite book, blog, or podcast
57:27 What is Molly’s guilty pleasure
57:40 Who is Molly’s mentor and how has she thanked them
Adam-Welcome to the St. Louis Realtor Podcast, live from the rooftop of the Hermann London Real Estate Group in beautiful downtown Maplewood, Missouri. Today is December, 20th 2016. This is episode 30. I’ll give you a couple quick updates about Hermann London Group. Our company bowling event is coming up in February. We just had our company gift exchange and ugly sweater contest at Hacienda. We did one of those white elephant things which works out poorly for some people like me. I got some used slippers this year. That’s okay. It’s tough because we are all extremely busy and everyone is trying to make time for their families and shopping. It is surprising that people would be busy buying and selling when it’s so cold out but they are and that’s a good thing. We are adding some people to the leadership team at Hermann London and we’re excited and it’s going to be the next step in growing our business. I’m now going to jump into the meat of the conversation. We are glad to have Jo Rossi here who is the owner of X-Bility and also a speaker, coach, mentor, teacher of team building, and personality styles. We also have my lovely wife, Molly Kruse. I’m so nervous today. We are glad to have both of you here. The reason I wanted to bring you in is to talk about the mental side of life and work and how to get out of your own way. Tell us Jo, what is X-Bility?
Jo-X-Bility is a company that helps with personal growth and self-development. We have a series of courses that are designed to help people find what they are looking for. It can seem vague to explain it because everyone is looking for something different like balance, insight, clarity, or a breakthrough with finances and health. We have exercises, processes, and lectures to help cut through and help people figure out who they are and what do they want.
Adam-I met you, Jo, through one of our Realtors who went to your class. My wife, Molly, also went. I was having lunch with one of my Realtors and we started talking about some of that deeper stuff and she spoke in such a way that caught my attention. She told me that she had been to your course. How did you get into this stuff?
Jo-I took the courses many years ago. I worked for AT&T at the time and I was able to go in trade because the courses were being held in their building and I took the first course and it was eye-opening to me. They talked about the concept of the win-win and it really got my attention. I continued with the rest of the courses and I landed myself in a coaching program. I saw people have breakthroughs and that is a really special moment. The owner then wanted to move on and I was able to buy the company from him.
Adam-The people that I’ve encouraged to go are always kicking and screaming and then afterwards they would literally climb a mountain to go to the class again. It is amazing to see. Is that part of the reward for you?
Jo-Absolutely. Seeing something land with someone is wonderful. It can give them hope or peace. Change can be scary even if we are not happy or living to our full potential.
Adam-What is that whole change is scary thing?
Jo-I think we live in a culture where fear is very prominent. People are afraid that things could get worse so they stay stagnant.
Adam-I see that with Realtors. They know what to do and come to every training class but they just don’t know why they can’t get themselves to do it. People get comfortable.
Jo-There is a familiarity with the status-quo and then the belief sets in that they can’t get everything they want.
Adam-I asked you before if you relate to Anthony Robbins and you said that after seeing the documentary on Netflix and you found out he’s not a motivational speaker. You don’t consider yourself a motivational speaker. What do you call yourself?
Jo-Anyone can call themselves a motivational speaker and that is what I am in a way but if people don’t want to get out of bed I can’t motivate them. They have to come with their tank already charged.
Adam-Are most people there ready to do the work?
Jo-For the most part. It doesn’t take too long for someone to share a story that makes the others understand and make a connection. At the end of the day, whatever got them in the seat, it all comes down to relationships.
Adam-Molly, when you went to the course for the first time, I’m guessing you packed a lunch and was ready to take notes all day.
Molly-I really didn’t know what to expect. I just had an open idea that I was ready to make some changes in my life and I wasn’t 100% where the changes needed to come from. I was a nervous wreck. Within a matter of hours it becomes much easier to relax and pay attention.
Adam- There is a veil of secrecy around this. Why is that?
Jo-It’s so people have an authentic experience of their own. It’s 25% lecture, 25% exercises, and 50% sharing. If we gave an agenda people wouldn’t even understand what it means and they will have their guard up. We address all of that the first night. First we address why we are not a cult and why there is so much secrecy to it. It’s to enhance their experience and to have a clean slate.
Adam-You mentioned that it’s not a cult and anyone else I’ve ever talked to about time-management has never had to give that caveat. The only reason you have to say that is because the people that come out of your courses are so happy and excited about what they learned. They also know this know language.
Jo-It’s the same language but there is a different level of connection when we talk about things like intention. We also talk about communication and responsibility and redefine it so it’s not this guilty word. You can meet people who have taken the courses and there is an instant understanding.
Adam-As husband and wife it has given us the ability to communicate in a more powerful way than other people who haven’t taken the course.
Molly-That was the number one reason I took the course. You and I were getting ready to start a marriage together and it was a way for me to work through that I may have had left over and how to be the type wife you deserve.
Adam-I did a different course because I didn’t know about X-Bility back then but I’ve now gotten involved with X-Bility. Could you explain the concept of a win-win?
Jo-In the courses we talk about how life is often compared to a game but it doesn’t always have to have a winner and a loser. We look for the win-win in every situation by taking the idea of compromise to a whole new level. Winning could be being heard and respected. Some people play lose lose where if they can’t win then both parties will fail.
Adam-I’d like to give an example that Molly and I did after she went through your courses. I’m a morning person and Molly is a night person so on Saturday mornings I would wake up at 6:30am and I’d lay there getting mad at Molly for not being up yet so we could go to the gym, garage sales, and cleaning the house. She would be laying there feeling guilty for sleeping. After the course we decided to talk on Friday nights about what the plan for Saturday would be and that was a win-win for us.
Molly-We established what our expectations for the next day would be and I can sleep guilt free.
Jo-I think that is a perfect example. It came down to just having a conversation and we forget how simple that is. Before, it was a lose-lose.
Adam-Tell me more about being clear about your intentions.
Jo-It’s that time of the year when people make resolutions and then get off track. It comes down to our intentions and sometimes we aren’t clear what those are. We need to look at if the intention to be happy or to go down the same path as before. We work diligently in the first course to figure out intentions and that ties into the idea of choice. People often think they don’t have a choice but there is always a choice. We get to choose to go to work and what car to drive. Those are a series of choices. It’s good to shift the mindset to you get to go to work instead of have to.
Adam-What do you mean when you say people are happy being unhappy?
Jo-A lot of times it comes down to a belief system that there is only so much happiness or growing up you didn’t see your parents happy so you buy into these beliefs that life is hard and you don’t get what you want. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy to be content not getting what you want.
Adam-I have seen people like that.
Jo-From a very young age we start to wire things together. We see how our parents operate. Somewhere between 3 and 7 is when our personalities are formed and so we learn early on what family, money, working, and communication means and then we take that mindset of a 5 year old and go out into the world and still believe that stuff at age 25 and 45 and we wonder why our life isn’t working. We give people the opportunity to dump the puzzle pieces out so they can see that they don’t fit anymore. It doesn’t have to be hard to be successful.
Adam-You can help people change their mindsets.
Jo-I like to think that we do. We focus on the limiting beliefs. My job isn’t to change anyone’s morals or values. The limiting beliefs are the voices in your head that say you’ll never have anything nice.
Adam-We are all carrying around baggage when we were 5 and we don’t even know it.
Adam-I’ll share another example about myself if you don’t mind. People think I came from a nearly perfect family and I don’t have any examples of my parents fighting. I never learned that you can have love and conflict at the same time so when I’d have relationships and they would be mad at me I would automatically assume that was the end. Going through these courses helped me understand that about myself.
Jo-Don’t invalidate that. It may not have been detrimental to you growing up but as an adult you had to rewire that thinking.
Adam-It’s nice to be able to put words around it so I can communicate it with Molly. Now if I leave the milk out and she gets mad I know now that I don’t have to find a new place to live.
Jo-It’s not stupid. An example I tell is that a boy is playing with his toys and his mom tells him to go out and play. When he gets outside a bully pushes him down and calls him a jerk. That kid begins to wire together that there is danger outside, he is a jerk because the bully told him so, and his mom made him go outside so she is the reason this all happened. Fast forward to a high-school dance and now he isn’t the most confident boy and if he does ask a girl to dance it will be in a way where he is already saying no for her. The people who come to our courses are making things work but there is still something holding them back from being better. Everyone is looking for love and acceptance and wants to avoid pain and isolation. It becomes easier to make those connections when we realize that.
Adam-You also talk about how not to take things personally.
Jo-It’s something that when we learn it we get to choose everyday to remember it. Don Miguel Ruiz wrote The 4 Agreements and that is one of them. When you master that you are a mature person. We spend 8 hours a day at work so it’s easy to take little things personally. It’s better to handle your own stuff and take responsibility for what you do.
Molly-This is my favorite lesson I took out of all three levels of X-Bility and it’s been life changing.
Adam-Is that related to giving people your power? When I get mad at someone I’m basically giving them my power.
Jo-If you get mad at me then you are giving me your power because whatever I do dictates how you feel. We call the B-12 button because it’s like a button on the jukebox and if I press it then you will do that dance. That is a very powerful position for me to be in. I could take the high road or I could keep pressing that button to see what else I can make you do. It’s a dangerous tool. Anger is giving our power to someone else and that can be a tough pill to swallow because they feel that if they are angry then the other person is wrong but they are actually pulling the strings on you, the puppet.
Adam-That’s exactly right. If someone flicks you off on the road then it ruins your day. You just gave that person all your energy and power. So many things can happen to people because they take things personally.
Jo-It’s anxiety, depression, addiction, and so many things. Being powerless is a daunting and scary feeling. You forget that we are all looking for the same things.
Adam-I’ve had situations where I’m feeling great about life and then I’ll read an article or I’ll go to an event and meet a competitor who will brag about how great their company is doing and then I’ll give him my power because I’ll feel very small. What could I have done to not feel that way?
Jo-Being aware of it is an excellent start and then try to take the high road. Try to figure out how he got there and then do the same for your company. That is the win-win. It doesn’t mean that one of you can’t have the success. There is enough business out there for both of you to thrive.
Adam-We both love talking about the personality styles. You can probably meet someone and then immediately know what kind of personality style they are.
Jo-It doesn’t take very long because the primary one we fall to is if someone is ask oriented or tell oriented. People will pretty much give you everything you need if you are willing to stop and notice.
Adam-From a sales standpoint it helps me to know how to approach someone. Do I start with small talk or do I just jump right into it? Do I bring charts and graphs or do I bring pictures of me shaking hands with past clients? Anyone that wants to be a better communicator should learn these different personality styles.
Jo-We talk about this during almost every training program. There are generally 4 primary types but you can get more specific. Ours are analyzing, supporting, controlling, and promoting. When you realize that 75% of people are operating differently than you then you can figure out how to communicate with someone from another quadrant.
Adam-Are you mostly supporting and promoting?
Jo-I’m probably the least promoting.
Adam-I thought you would be mostly promoting because you talk in front of people so much but I guess that is something that is out of your comfort zone.
Jo-That’s right. We are all 4 types but it’s good to know when you need to be more of one than the other depending on the environment.
Adam-Maybe this is where opposites attract comes into play. I’m picturing myself on a road trip with a bunch of detail oriented analyzes who are going to be on time and see everything in the right order but they might not get into any wild or fresh experiences. If someone like me comes along and we are a little bit more fly by the seat of our pants we are going to throw in a little bit of color by meeting strangers or stopping at the crazy roadside attraction just for the picture. Do you know what you are Molly?
Molly-I think you pegged me as a controller and I found that to be surprising because I find myself to be passive but I found out that the definition was different than I though.
Adam-You tell people how it is.
Molly-I guess I tell people how it is but I like to be in control. For example coming here today I wanted an itinerary and I wanted to know what was happening. When we did the exercises I found out that I’m relatively in the middle of all of them.
Adam-It’s good to be able to understand your own personality style and your co-worker’s and partner’s. Tom works here and he is the opposite of me and he is the analytical type. If I hadn’t taken this assessment I would literally think that Tom would hate me. I come with him with my new ideas and Tom says no. I had to learn that he is always going to say no at first so I need to present him with the details, give him some time to think about it, present it to him again, and then maybe it will become a yes. He has a key role at our company so it was good to take these tests together. I think it’s helped him understand my value too. We need someone with zany ideas if we want to grow this business. Do people bring their spouses to the classes?
Jo-We’ve had people do it every which way. It is subjective and depends on the couple. Some people need to figure out who they are as an individual before they can work on the relationship. The most important thing is that people need to realize that there doesn’t need to be something wrong in order to achieve the next level of communication. It’s okay to want more.
Adam-You also teach a couple other courses. X-Bility is 3 levels but you have an upcoming class called The Mindful Woman.
Jo-In January we have a course called A Clean Slate. I realized that 70% of the people that take our courses are women so I decided this year’s Clean Slate would be about the mindful woman. The idea is to jump-start the year and it is open to any woman. We’ve had some push back so maybe there will be a mindful guy course later down the road. The idea of the Mindful Woman is to not discount the men but I want to cater to the majority of our grad base. This course is really about connection, calming, healing, and nurturing. With the regular X-Bility courses I like having men and women together because woman can generalize and think all men are one way so it’s good to have caring men in the same room showing them that’s not true.
Adam-I have a million questions but it’s about time to wrap it up. Do you mind if I say that if anyone contacts you and mentions this podcast, I will personally pay $50 towards their course?
Jo-I will also take $50 off if anyone mentions this podcast.
Adam-Ohh! So you are matching me. I like that! I always want more people to go to the courses. It’s hard for me to get people to go but they are always happy after they go and they fight to get into level 2. Don’t you have guarantee?
Jo-It is a money back guarantee after completing the entire course. In the 17 years I’ve been doing this it is less than 1% of anyone who has ever asked for their money back.
Molly-It’s not something you need it is something you deserve.
Adam-We have 2 guests so I’m going to ask both of you the 5 questions I ask every guest. I’ll start with you, Jo. Who lives under your roof?
Jo-I live with my partner, Kevin, my 87 year old blind mother, and our puppy.
Adam-Where are you your best?
Jo-In the course room.
Adam-Do you have a favorite, blog, podcast, or book?
Jo-I love any book by Brene Brown. She is a P.H.D. in social work and she has a way of relating to people and it feels like she is writing just to me. She has many TED talks. I also like Don Miguel Ruiz and Gary Chapman.
Adam-What is your guilty pleasure?
Adam-Who is your mentor and how have you thanked them?
Jo-The one that comes to mind, I thank him when I refer to him as Yoda because that’s who he has been to me. He did this work long before I did and he taught me the the most about trusting myself and how to understand and read people by shutting up and listening and observing. I should thank him. It’s been a while. Life’s gotten busy for the both of us. He really fine tuned my BS meter and my people reader.
Adam-Can I buy a BS meter at Home Depot?
Adam-Molly, who lives under your roof?
Molly-My handsome husband and our dog Mya and we have 3 chickens that live slightly outside of our roof under their own roof.
Adam-When are you at your best?
Molly-When we are hosting a dinner party with close friends or family.
Adam-Do you have a favorite podcast, blog, or book?
Molly-I really enjoy Joe Rogan’s podcast. My favorite book is The 4 Agreements and I just posted on my Facebook about it before I even knew we were going to talk about it today.
Adam-What is your guilty pleasure?
Molly-Any of The Real Housewives.
Adam-Who is your mentor and how have you thanked them?
Molly-Without being cheesy, it would have to be Jo. She was my coach for all 3 levels and has become a very good friend of mine. There is a lot to learn personally from her. Professionally it would be my old boss Zach. I worked for him when I was a footwear designer and he was the one that taught me the most.
Adam-How have you thanked them?
Molly-I don’t know how much I come out and say it to Jo. We’ve known each other for a year. For Zach, I haven’t talked to him in a while. We don’t work together anymore. We did speak right before the wedding though. We are hoping to get together sooner than later.
Adam-If you are looking for some personal growth or coaching go to X-Bililty.com. If you have any questions for me just email PODCAST@HermannLondon.com. Have a great day and take care.